The Bunkbed Epiphany!

My girls have been wanting a bunkbed for forever. They just thought it would be the most amazing thing in the world. My plan was to get a nice wood bunkbed set when we moved again to something more permanent; a bunkbed that would separate into two beds. Well, you've heard how our lives are and who knows when more permanent will actually happen. So, last week when Josh was away on business I wanted a project. I went to Shopko and bought one of those cheapest C frame metal bunkbeds where the bottom is a full size and the top is a twin. I decided by a cheap one now and by nicer separate beds later sometime down the road. I set it up myself. Not as hard as I thought it would be.

Before I bought it I made the girls promise me that if I got them a bunkbed they must sleep in there room through the entire night from now on. No more beds on MY bedroom floor. Of course they agreed. Well, I have experienced interesting emotions since this has occurred. The girls have adjusted surprisingly well. The first couple nights they took turns coming into my room during the night but I took them back to their beds. But I found myself really missing them in my room. Of course it was enhanced by the fact that Josh was out of town but more acute is this awareness that it was not only for them that I cater to their childhood fears and wishes. I, almost at a loss for words, CLING to them. The last few nights I have been finding myself reminiscent of when Kate was a baby. Every sound I here in the night I think it is one of the girls awake, afraid, needing me. I even imagine I hear them calling me in the night. I have had to force myself not to run and check on them every minute. I have had a MOM epiphany! I am willing even driven to care for every need of my children. In doing so I have set myself up for a constant bombardment of crazy ever-ongoing requests for my services from my girls. It is my personality to set myself up to be their SERVANT! I have realized that the hardest part of being a mom is making sure your children don’t need you. It hurts to think that I need to watch them suffer. In sacrament meeting a little girl in Kate’s primary class’s mother had to take her baby out during sacrament. I kept looking back at Izzy (her name); wondering if she was afraid to sit there alone or worried that her mom wasn’t going to come back. But then I thought, “She’s okay! She is learning to take care of herself”. I MUST do a better job of letting my kids figure it out themselves. And in doing this, they and I will actually be a lot happier. Gosh! I just hope I don’t screw this mom thing up too bad! How can we truly let our kids know we love them more than anything without ruining them in the process?

Even while I have typed this my girls were running around fighting with each other. Why can’t they just play when they’re bored instead of bug each other. I had to break them up. I tried to not get to angry. I tried to sit them down and talk to them about playing together but they wouldn’t listen. So now Kate is in her room and Macy is sitting on the coach. How do I handle it all the right way?

So, there is no more child’s bed in my room. What I hoped for has occured. The last two night the girls have slept in separate beds and fallen to sleep in a matter of minutes. It almost makes my cry: I'm so sad and happy. And I finally slept good last night. I think we are all adjusted to the new situation. One small win! I feel pretty sure that this was a RIGHT move in the ongoing QUEST to raise responsible adults.

FYI – Kate and I were able to have a good talk about playing with her sister. I hope it makes a difference but I’m sure it is a discussion we will have MANY more times.